Free Therapist Training›EFT Couples Therapy Toolkit›Negative Cycle Worksheet
Last updated: November 11, 2026
A negative cycle worksheet is a map of the pattern a couple repeats when they fight or pull away from each other: what each partner does, what each makes of the other's move, and what each feels and needs underneath. This one is built for emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT), in which the therapist helps the couple identify the cycle and the emotions beneath it during Stage 1 (Johnson et al., 1999).
The template has three parts: a table for each partner's side of the cycle, a loop that joins the two sides, and a version the couple fills in between sessions. It comes with a completed example for Marcus and Lena, an invented couple.
The map is one of the free templates in the EFT Couples Therapy Toolkit from the Sentio MFT program, which teaches EFCT among the therapy models in its master's degree in marriage and family therapy. It follows the stages and steps Susan Johnson described (Johnson, 2020; Johnson et al., 1999).
These are some items to consider when you map a couple's negative cycle. Use what fits the couple and your setting. It is not an official form, just some helpful ideas from the Sentio MFT program.
Download the PDFMake an editable copy
Part 1. Each partner's side of the cycle
| Item | Partner A | Partner B |
|---|---|---|
| Position in the cycle | Pursues / Withdraws | Pursues / Withdraws |
| Trigger: what sets it off | ||
| Perception: what I tell myself it means | ||
| Reactive emotion: what shows on the surface | ||
| Action: what I do next | ||
| Underlying emotion: what is underneath | ||
| Attachment fear: what I am afraid it means about us | ||
| Attachment longing: what I most need from my partner |
Part 2. The cycle as one loop
Partner A does
Action:
What Partner B makes of it
Perception:
Underneath:
Partner B does
Action:
What Partner A makes of it
Perception:
Underneath:
| Item | Entry |
|---|---|
| Pattern | One pursues, one withdraws / Both pursue / Both withdraw |
| The cycle in one sentence | The more ___, the more ___; and the more ___, the more ___. |
| How a typical round ends | For example: someone leaves the room, it goes quiet for a day, someone apologizes |
| A name the couple uses for the cycle (optional) |
Part 3. The couple's version, to fill in between sessions
Each partner answers on their own, then you compare answers in the next session.
- What usually starts it for me?
- What do I tell myself it means in that moment?
- What do I feel first, on the surface?
- What do I do next?
- What might I be feeling underneath?
- What am I most afraid it means about us?
- What do I most need from you when this happens?
- What do I see you do, and how might my move set off yours?
- Our cycle in one sentence.
Describe the cycle so either partner could read it without feeling blamed. The cycle is the problem the couple shares; neither partner is the problem.
What Does a Completed Negative Cycle Map Look Like?
Marcus and Lena are an invented couple, used in every example in the toolkit. Marcus pursues and Lena withdraws; the example shows each partner's side of their cycle, the loop that joins the two sides, and the cycle summed up in one sentence.
| Item | Marcus | Lena |
|---|---|---|
| Position in the cycle | Pursues | Withdraws |
| Trigger | Lena's short or late replies to his texts; Lena going to her phone or to bed after the children are asleep; her flat expression when he talks | Marcus's sharp tone when she walks in; "We need to talk"; his sigh; comments about her phone |
| Perception | "I don't matter to her. I'm last on her list." | "I've failed him again. I can't get it right." |
| Reactive emotion | Anger, frustration | Numbness, irritation; "I'm fine" |
| Action | Criticizes, raises his voice, follows Lena from room to room to keep talking, brings up the night at the hospital | Goes quiet, explains herself in a flat voice, leaves the room, says she is tired, scrolls her phone |
| Underlying emotion | Loneliness and hurt; fear of losing her | Shame and fear of failing him; overwhelmed |
| Attachment fear | "I'm alone. She doesn't want me." | "I'll never be enough for him. If I show him how I feel, he'll find more that's wrong with me." |
| Attachment longing | To know he matters to her and that she wants to be close | To know she is enough as she is and that it is safe to come close |
Marcus does
Criticizes, raises his voice, follows Lena to keep talking.
What Lena makes of it
"I've failed him again."
Underneath: shame, fear of not being enough.
Lena does
Goes quiet, leaves the room, picks up her phone.
What Marcus makes of it
"I don't matter to her."
Underneath: loneliness, fear of losing her.
| Item | Entry |
|---|---|
| Pattern | One pursues, one withdraws: Marcus pursues, Lena withdraws |
| The cycle in one sentence | The more Marcus pushes to reach Lena, the more she shuts down to keep the peace; and the more she shuts down, the harder he pushes, until both are alone in it. |
| How a typical round ends | Lena goes to bed or to the guest room; they act as if nothing happened the next morning |
| A name the couple uses for the cycle | "The chase" |
What Is the Negative Cycle in EFT?
The negative cycle is the pattern a distressed couple repeats, in which each partner's move sets off the other's. In Johnson's model, this interactional cycle maintains attachment insecurity and relationship distress, and identifying it is step 2 (Johnson et al., 1999).
The map separates two layers of emotion. Reactive, or secondary, emotion is what shows on the surface in a fight, such as anger; primary emotion is the underlying, attachment-related feeling beneath it, such as fear (Johnson & Whiffen, 1999; MacIntosh & Johnson, 2008). Step 3 is accessing the unacknowledged emotions underneath each partner's position in the cycle (Johnson et al., 1999).
By the end of Stage 1, the couple has "a meta-perspective on their interactions" and begins to see the negative cycle, not each other, as the problem (Wiebe & Johnson, 2016). The map gives both partners one picture of the cycle to look at together.
What Are the Common Cycle Patterns?
Papers by Johnson and colleagues name a pursue-withdraw pattern and a withdraw-withdraw pattern. In pursue-withdraw, one partner pursues or blames and the other withdraws or defends (Greenman & Johnson, 2013; MacIntosh & Johnson, 2008). Johnson and Whiffen (1999) called it demand-withdraw and described "a repetitive demand-withdraw pattern that is accompanied by anger and frustration."
In withdraw-withdraw, both partners pull back. Johnson and Whiffen (1999) described "a withdraw-withdraw pattern characterized by numbing and polarization." The Pattern row of the template also has an option for couples in which both partners pursue.
Marcus and Lena are a pursue-withdraw couple: the more Marcus pushes to reach Lena, the more she shuts down to keep the peace, and the more she shuts down, the harder he pushes. Mark the pattern that fits your couple, then use the loop to show how each partner's move sets off the other's.
How Do You Map a Couple's Cycle in Session?
Track one recent fight step by step, then move from what each partner did to what each perceived, felt and needed underneath. Finish by saying the whole cycle back in one sentence and checking that each partner recognizes it.
Start with a fight from the past week that both partners remember. Ask what set it off, what each partner did next and how it ended, and reflect each move without blaming either partner. Reflecting interactional patterns is one of the systemic interventions Wiebe and Johnson (2016) list.
Once the sequence is clear, slow down at each move. Ask each partner what the other's move meant to them, what they felt first and what they felt underneath. Wiebe and Johnson (2016) list reflection, evocative questions, validation, heightening emotion and empathic conjecture among the model's experiential interventions; use them to help each partner reach the emotion beneath the reactive one.
Then link each underlying emotion to the attachment fear and longing below it. Step 4 reframes the problem in terms of the cycle, the underlying emotions and attachment needs (Johnson et al., 1999), and the one-sentence summary does this in the couple's words. The template also has an optional row for a name the couple uses for the cycle; Marcus and Lena call theirs "the chase."
When Is the Cycle Map Used?
The map belongs to Stage 1, cycle de-escalation, and is built across steps 2 to 4. It stays useful in Stage 2, when each partner works on expressing the attachment needs and vulnerability the map points to.
Stage 1 covers steps 1 to 4: assessment and building the alliance, identifying the cycle, accessing the underlying emotions, and reframing the problem in terms of the cycle and attachment needs (Johnson et al., 1999). Start the map once the assessment sessions give you a first picture of the pattern, and revise it as each partner's underlying emotions come into view. Signs of de-escalation include partners' responses becoming "less reactive and more flexible" (Johnson & Whiffen, 1999).
In Stage 2, the previously withdrawn partner re-engages and states attachment needs, and the previously critical partner expresses vulnerability and asks for comfort and connection (Johnson et al., 1999; Wiebe & Johnson, 2016). These change events are called withdrawer re-engagement and blamer softening. Keep the map in the record and use it in Stage 2 to point to the fears and longings each partner is learning to share.
Practice next
The skill behind the map is tracking and reflecting the cycle as it happens in the room, so each partner hears their part described without blame. Rehearse it with "Validating Partners' Experiences and Tracking Dysfunctional Patterns" (Exercise 3) in Deliberate Practice in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (Levenson et al., 2025). Sam Jinich and Hanna Levenson demonstrate exercises from the book in the free Deliberate Practice in EFCT webinar, and the free EFCT crash course reviews the negative cycle and primary and secondary emotion.
Keep reading
EFT Case Conceptualization, a template and completed example that links the cycle to the attachment fears and needs underneath it and to each partner's history
EFT Stages and Steps, a quick reference to the three stages, the nine steps and the change events
EFT Progress Note Template for Couples Therapy, an EFCT session note and a DAP version, with a completed note for Marcus and Lena's eighth session
Free EFT Couples Therapy Toolkit, every template in the toolkit, from the intake and safety screen to the supervision recording review form
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a pursue-withdraw cycle?
A pursue-withdraw cycle is a pattern in which one partner pursues or blames and the other withdraws or defends. Each partner's move sets off the other's. Johnson and Whiffen (1999) described this demand-withdraw pattern as repetitive and accompanied by anger and frustration.
What is the difference between reactive and underlying emotions?
Reactive emotions, also called secondary emotions, are what show on the surface in a fight. Underlying emotions, also called primary emotions, are the attachment-related feelings beneath them; MacIntosh and Johnson (2008) gave the example of fear beneath reactive anger. In Stage 1, the therapist helps each partner reach the unacknowledged emotions underneath their position in the cycle (Johnson et al., 1999).
What is a negative cycle diagram?
In this worksheet, the diagram is Part 2: a loop that runs from what one partner does to what the other makes of it, what the other partner does next and what the first partner makes of that. A short table under the loop holds the pattern, the cycle in one sentence and how a typical round ends.
Can couples fill in the worksheet on their own?
Yes, Part 3 of the template is written for that. Each partner answers its questions alone between sessions, in plain words, and you compare the answers together in the next session. Parts 1 and 2 are the therapist's version of the same map.
Is there a PDF of the negative cycle worksheet?
Yes. Use the Download the PDF button above the template for a printable copy, or Make an editable copy to open a Google Docs version you can change. Both are free to copy and adapt.
Is this an ICEEFT worksheet?
No. The Sentio MFT program wrote this free template, which follows the stages and steps Susan Johnson described; it is not an International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) form. For training and certification in emotionally focused therapy, see the ICEEFT certification page.
References
Greenman, P. S., & Johnson, S. M. (2013). Process research on emotionally focused therapy (EFT) for couples: Linking theory to practice. Family Process, 52(1), 46–61. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12015
Johnson, S. M. (2020). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection (3rd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781351168366 ISBN 978-0-8153-4801-6 (paperback), 978-0-8153-4800-9 (hardback). Publisher page: https://www.routledge.com/The-Practice-of-Emotionally-Focused-Couple-Therapy-Creating-Connection/Johnson/p/book/9780815348016
Johnson, S. M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L., & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally focused couples therapy: Status and challenges. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), 67–79. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.1.67
Johnson, S. M., & Whiffen, V. E. (1999). Made to measure: Adapting emotionally focused couple therapy to partners' attachment styles. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(4), 366–381. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.4.366
Levenson, H., Jinich, S., Vaz, A., & Rousmaniere, T. (2025). Deliberate practice in emotionally focused couple therapy. American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/0000436-000 ISBN 978-1-4338-4296-2 (paperback). Book page: https://www.apa.org/pubs/books/deliberate-practice-emotionally-focused-couple-therapy
MacIntosh, H. B., & Johnson, S. (2008). Emotionally focused therapy for couples and childhood sexual abuse survivors. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 34(3), 298–315. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2008.00074.x
Wiebe, S. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2016). A review of the research in emotionally focused therapy for couples. Family Process, 55(3), 390–407. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12229
