Free Therapist Training›EFT Couples Therapy Toolkit›Stages and Steps
Last updated: November 11, 2026
A stages and steps quick reference lays out EFCT in one table: the three stages, the nine steps inside them, the signs that each step is complete and the interventions used most at each step. The template adds the five moves of the EFT Tango and a progress tracker for the turning points of therapy. It follows the stages and steps Susan Johnson described, in plain paraphrase (Johnson, 2020; Johnson et al., 1999).
A completed example shows the tracker for Marcus and Lena, an invented couple, after their eighth session. The quick reference is one of the two planning pieces of the free EFT Couples Therapy Toolkit from the Sentio MFT program, which teaches EFCT among the therapy models in its curriculum.
These are some items to consider when you track where a couple is in emotionally focused couples therapy. Use what fits the couple and your setting. It is not an official form, just some helpful ideas from the Sentio MFT program.
Download the PDFMake an editable copy
| Stage | Step | Signs the step is complete | Interventions used most |
|---|---|---|---|
| Stage 1. Cycle de-escalation | 1. Assess the relationship, build an alliance with each partner, and name the core conflicts from an attachment point of view | Both partners feel understood by the therapist; the main conflicts are named | Reflection, validation, alliance building with each partner |
| 2. Identify the negative cycle that keeps the conflict going and leaves both partners insecure | Both partners can describe a recent fight as a sequence of moves | Tracking and reflecting the cycle | |
| 3. Reach the unacknowledged emotions that drive each partner's position in the cycle | Each partner names an emotion underneath the reactive one, such as fear, hurt, shame or loneliness | Evocative questions, empathic conjecture, heightening | |
| 4. Reframe the problem as the cycle, driven by the underlying emotions and attachment needs | The couple sees the cycle, not each other, as the problem; reactions are less intense and more flexible (de-escalation) | Reframing in terms of the cycle and attachment | |
| Stage 2. Restructuring interactions | 5. Help each partner own needs and parts of the self that have been pushed aside, and bring them into the relationship | The withdrawing partner states fears and needs directly; the pursuing partner shows the vulnerability under the anger | Heightening, empathic conjecture, enactments |
| 6. Help each partner accept the other's new way of experiencing and responding | The listening partner responds to the new expression with acceptance rather than doubt or attack | Validation, reflecting the listening partner's reaction, processing enactments | |
| 7. Help each partner state specific needs and wants, and create moments of emotional engagement | Withdrawer re-engagement and blamer softening: the pursuing partner asks for comfort from a vulnerable place and the other responds | Enactments, heightening, processing the encounter | |
| Stage 3. Consolidation and integration | 8. Help the couple find new solutions to old problems | The couple solves practical problems without the old cycle taking over | Reflecting and validating new patterns, enactments |
| 9. Consolidate the new positions and the new cycles of connection | The couple can tell the story of the old cycle and the new one, and say what they will do if the old cycle returns | Reframing, validating the new story |
The five moves within a session (the EFT Tango)
- Mirror present process: reflect the cycle and each partner's experience as it happens in the room.
- Assemble and deepen emotion: put the parts of an emotion together and help the partner feel it more fully.
- Choreograph an engaged encounter: ask one partner to share the deepened emotion with the other.
- Process the encounter: explore how it was to share it and how it was to hear it.
- Integrate and validate: name what changed and validate both partners.
Progress tracker
| Marker | Date first seen | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Both partners describe the cycle, not each other, as the problem | ||
| De-escalation: fights are less intense and the couple can step out of the cycle | ||
| Withdrawer re-engagement | ||
| Blamer softening | ||
| Attachment injury resolved, if there is one | ||
| New solutions to old problems | ||
| A shared story of the change |
Steps and stage labels are paraphrased from Johnson et al. (1999) and Wiebe and Johnson (2016); the five moves are paraphrased from the description of the EFT Tango in Levenson et al. (2025), and Johnson (2020, Chapter 4) sets out the Tango in full.
What Does a Completed Progress Tracker Look Like?
Marcus and Lena are an invented couple, seen weekly at a group practice by D.M., an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT). The example shows their progress tracker after session 8, while they work on steps 2 and 3 of Stage 1.
| Marker | Date first seen | Notes after session 8 |
|---|---|---|
| Both partners describe the cycle, not each other, as the problem | Beginning (session 6) | They named it "the chase" in session 6; Marcus still says "she starts it" when he is upset |
| De-escalation: fights are less intense and the couple can step out of the cycle | Not yet | Escalating fights down from about four a week to two; they used the pause once and finished the talk |
| Withdrawer re-engagement | Not yet | First sign in session 8: Lena told Marcus she freezes because she is scared she has let him down |
| Blamer softening | Not yet | Marcus named his fear of losing Lena in session 8 but has not yet asked her for comfort from that place |
| Attachment injury resolved | Not yet | The night of his mother's stroke still comes up in fights; plan to address it in Stage 2 |
| New solutions to old problems | Not yet | |
| A shared story of the change | Not yet |
Where they are after session 8: Stage 1, steps 2 and 3. Next focus: Marcus's fear underneath the anger (step 3) and the cycle as the shared problem (step 4).
What Are the Three Stages of EFT?
EFCT has three stages: in Stage 1 the couple de-escalates the negative cycle, in Stage 2 the partners restructure the way they interact, and in Stage 3 they consolidate the change (Wiebe & Johnson, 2016). The sources agree on where the steps fall: steps 1 to 4 in Stage 1, steps 5 to 7 in Stage 2, and steps 8 and 9 in Stage 3 (Johnson et al., 1999; Johnson & Whiffen, 1999; Wiebe & Johnson, 2016).
The stage names vary by source. The 1999 papers by Johnson and her colleagues call Stage 2 changing interactional positions and Stage 3 consolidation and integration (Johnson et al., 1999; Johnson & Whiffen, 1999). Wiebe and Johnson (2016) use cycle de-escalation, restructuring interactions and consolidation, and the third edition of The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy pairs de-escalation with stabilization (Johnson, 2020). The template's labels are plain paraphrases of these.
What Are the Nine Steps?
The nine steps are the tasks inside the three stages, in the order Johnson and her colleagues set out (Johnson et al., 1999; Johnson & Whiffen, 1999). Stage 1 holds four steps of assessment and de-escalation, Stage 2 three steps of restructuring, and Stage 3 two steps of consolidation.
In Stage 1 the therapist builds an alliance with each partner and assesses the relationship, maps the negative cycle, reaches the emotions underneath each partner's position, and reframes the problem as the cycle and the attachment needs beneath it. In Stage 2 each partner owns needs and parts of the self that were pushed aside, the other partner comes to accept this new way of experiencing and responding, and both state specific needs and wants and engage with each other emotionally. In Stage 3 the couple finds new solutions to old problems and consolidates the new positions and the new cycles of connection (Johnson et al., 1999).
Johnson and Whiffen (1999) state the goal by the end of step 4 as a meta-perspective on the couple's interactions. The template's signs column turns goals like this into things a therapist can see in session, and the progress tracker records when each marker first appears. The step wording in the template is a paraphrase; for Johnson's full account, see the third edition of her book (Johnson, 2020).
What Are the Change Events in EFT?
EFCT tracks three turning points: de-escalation, the goal of Stage 1, and withdrawer re-engagement and blamer softening in Stage 2. Wiebe and Johnson (2016) call re-engagement and softening the key therapeutic events of Stage 2, and Greenman and Johnson (2013) describe them as its major therapeutic objectives.
In de-escalation, the couple gains a meta-perspective on their interactions and sees the negative cycle, not the partner, as the problem (Johnson & Whiffen, 1999; Wiebe & Johnson, 2016). Partners respond less reactively and more flexibly, and they can step out of the cycle and stabilize the relationship (Johnson et al., 2001; Johnson & Whiffen, 1999).
In withdrawer re-engagement, the partner who used to withdraw becomes emotionally engaged, states attachment needs directly and becomes more open and responsive to the other partner (Wiebe & Johnson, 2016). Johnson and Whiffen (1999) give this as the goal by the end of step 7.
In blamer softening, a partner who used to pursue with blame and criticism shows vulnerability and asks the other for comfort and connection (Johnson et al., 1999; Wiebe & Johnson, 2016). Bradley and Furrow (2004) traced the softening event moment by moment.
The tracker also has a row for an attachment injury, which Johnson et al. (2001) describe as "characterized by an abandonment or by a betrayal of trust during a critical moment of need." For Marcus, the injury is the night of his mother's stroke, which still comes up in their fights.
What Is the EFT Tango?
The EFT Tango is the macro-intervention of EFCT, a sequence of five moves that Johnson set out in Chapter 4 of The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (Johnson, 2020). The steps describe the course of therapy, and the Tango describes a sequence of moves within a session.
The template gives the five moves in plain paraphrase, following the description of the Tango in Levenson et al. (2025): mirror present process, assemble and deepen emotion, choreograph an engaged encounter, process the encounter, and integrate and validate. For Johnson's own account of each move, see Chapter 4 of Johnson (2020).
Marcus and Lena's eighth session shows the first four moves. D.M. reflected the cycle as the couple replayed a recent fight, helped Lena put together the fear under her freeze, asked her to tell Marcus what she had found, and asked Marcus how it was to hear it. The fifth move would close the round by naming what changed and validating both partners.
Practice next
Pick the move you find hardest at the stage your couple is in, and rehearse it before the next session. For Marcus and Lena the next task is reaching the fear under Marcus's anger, which calls on the second move; rehearse it with Exercise 8, Gathering and Assembling Elements of Emotion, in Deliberate Practice in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (Levenson et al., 2025). Sam Jinich and Hanna Levenson demonstrate exercises from the book in the free deliberate practice webinar. The free EFCT crash course reviews the three stages, and the free Practice Time videos include an episode on systemic de-escalation.
Keep reading
EFT Treatment Plan Example, goals, objectives and measures for each of the three stages
EFT Negative Cycle Worksheet, a map of each partner's moves, emotions and needs in the cycle, with a version for the couple
Reviewing EFCT Session Recordings in Supervision, a rating form for a recorded segment that ends with one skill to rehearse
Free EFT Couples Therapy Toolkit, every template in the toolkit, from the first sessions to supervision
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does EFT take?
The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) describes EFCT as short term, at 8 to 20 sessions, and the Society of Clinical Psychology says it typically takes 8 to 20 sessions to move a couple through the three stages. Track the markers for each stage to see where a couple is.
What is withdrawer re-engagement?
Withdrawer re-engagement is a Stage 2 change event in which the partner who used to withdraw becomes emotionally engaged, states attachment needs directly and becomes more open and responsive to the other partner, as Wiebe and Johnson (2016) describe it. Johnson and Whiffen (1999) give it as the goal by the end of step 7.
What is blamer softening?
Blamer softening is a Stage 2 change event in which a partner who used to pursue with blame and criticism shows vulnerability and asks the other partner for comfort and connection, as Johnson et al. (1999) describe it. Johnson and Whiffen (1999) put it as asking for attachment needs to be met from a position of vulnerability.
What are the signs of de-escalation?
Wiebe and Johnson (2016) describe the end of Stage 1 this way: the partners can step back and see their interactions as a pattern, and they start to treat the negative cycle as the problem. Johnson and Whiffen (1999) add that partners respond less reactively and more flexibly, and Johnson et al. (2001) describe couples who can step out of their negative cycles and stabilize the relationship.
Is this quick reference an ICEEFT document?
No. The Sentio MFT program wrote it as a training aid, paraphrasing the stages and steps from papers by Johnson and her colleagues. For training and certification, see the certification page of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT).
References
Bradley, B., & Furrow, J. L. (2004). Toward a mini-theory of the blamer softening event: Tracking the moment-by-moment process. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30(2), 233–246. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2004.tb01236.x
Greenman, P. S., & Johnson, S. M. (2013). Process research on emotionally focused therapy (EFT) for couples: Linking theory to practice. Family Process, 52(1), 46–61. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12015
International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy. (n.d.). EFT certification. https://iceeft.com/eft-certification
International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy. (n.d.). What is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)? https://iceeft.com/what-is-eft-public/
Johnson, S. M. (2020). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection (3rd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781351168366 ISBN 978-0-8153-4801-6 (paperback), 978-0-8153-4800-9 (hardback). Publisher page: https://www.routledge.com/The-Practice-of-Emotionally-Focused-Couple-Therapy-Creating-Connection/Johnson/p/book/9780815348016
Johnson, S. M., Hunsley, J., Greenberg, L., & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally focused couples therapy: Status and challenges. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(1), 67–79. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.1.67
Johnson, S. M., Makinen, J. A., & Millikin, J. W. (2001). Attachment injuries in couple relationships: A new perspective on impasses in couples therapy. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 27(2), 145–155. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2001.tb01152.x
Johnson, S. M., & Whiffen, V. E. (1999). Made to measure: Adapting emotionally focused couple therapy to partners' attachment styles. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 6(4), 366–381. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.6.4.366
Levenson, H., Jinich, S., Vaz, A., & Rousmaniere, T. (2025). Deliberate practice in emotionally focused couple therapy. American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/0000436-000 ISBN 978-1-4338-4296-2 (paperback). Book page: https://www.apa.org/pubs/books/deliberate-practice-emotionally-focused-couple-therapy
Society of Clinical Psychology. (n.d.). Diagnosis: Relationship distress with spouse or intimate partner. https://div12.org/?p=10175
Wiebe, S. A., & Johnson, S. M. (2016). A review of the research in emotionally focused therapy for couples. Family Process, 55(3), 390–407. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12229
